I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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