Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
