Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
