I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
