i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
