So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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