Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
