Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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