I looked at my own cervix.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
