I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize