Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
