Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
