You're completely useless in the revolution.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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