I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize