Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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