Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
