Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
