I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
