her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
