I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
