you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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