I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
