So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
