I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
