i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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