He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
