what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
