You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
