So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My ass is underappreciated
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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