So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
