She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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