So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
