Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
