i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
