Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize