it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
