I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
