meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
