wanna go halves on a baby?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
