I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
