guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
