I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
