The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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