I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
