Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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