Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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