The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
