SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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