did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
