If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
