This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
