So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
