All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
