The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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