My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
