My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
