Non-Jews are for practice
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
