I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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