I'm going to jail i love you
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
