Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
