the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
