The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
