you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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