so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
