Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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