May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
