Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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