I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
