im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
