Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
