Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
