No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
