Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
