yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
