I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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