i dont even know how to be here
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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