Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
