All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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