Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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