i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
