I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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