too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
