I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
