My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
