I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
