I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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