is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
