There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize