why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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