He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Green mimosas i think yes
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
