my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
