I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
