had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
