And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just invented taco cereal.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
