She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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